


The Work of Ages: The Work of the Dove

by theperpetuallyunpackingsuitcase



Series: The Work of Ages [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2012-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theperpetuallyunpackingsuitcase/pseuds/theperpetuallyunpackingsuitcase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the first volume of The Work of Ages trilogy, Kurt, the second son of a lesser nobleman, enters into the service of a visiting higher nobleman, Blaine, and is brought home to his castle to serve as his lady wife Lane's valet de chambre for her personal library.  Gaining a greater knowledge of languages and literatures is not all that Kurt will do, though, and he finds that life is both more complex, wonderful, and perilous than he had thought possible as he is allowed into the lives of, and uncommon love between, Blaine and Lane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Echo Through the Hall

**Author's Note:**

> Copying over my ratings notes from where I have it up elsewhere:
> 
> This chapter is safe as houses, but it is the middle ages with heavy gender and sexuality issues being dealt with and horrible past events being referred to, so although stylistically explicitness just does not fit in, there is matter dealing with homophobia, veiled threats of violence, mention of past acts of violence, including sexual assault against characters not met until The Work of Ages: Truth's Secret Vow. Oh, and of course kissing and stylistically consistent veiled references to other acts of passion and their laundry-based evidence.
> 
> And as added notation:
> 
> This is severely AU and set in the High Middle Ages, some time following the writing of Andreas Cappellanus', also known as Andre the Chaplain's, The Art of Courtly Love and partly inspired by it, as well as by various other courtly love manuals, legends, poetry, prose, and actual fact from the courtly love tradition and the renaissance of the High Middle Ages in general. It's complex as heck but also hopefully a good read. :) Volumes two and three in the series will be from the lady Lane's and Blaine's perspectives, respectively, and end just before this one starts. I did say complex, right? :)

Chapter the First:

An Echo Through the Hall

 

Kurt felt surprisingly alone though he was, he knew, surrounded by more people than he had ever had occasion to meet, no less to dwell under the same roof with.  It could not have been just a fair few days ago, though the days before that more deserved such a name to call them by, that he was gifted with such glances and lacks of space twixt himself and the fine lord who had come to pay his father court that he was fair sure his admiration was returned in kind.  Or so he had taken those small details to mean in what he now realized might have been the foolishness of youth and of a love he was neither sure of a name for nor of the morality of.

 

Riding forth from his father’s meagre lands, though, doubt had begun to seize his heart and now was finding a more secure place in it.  What interest could he hold for a lord so fine, and with such lands and duties as it was well clear now that this Blaine, this lord with no, in Kurt’s eyes, peer, had?  Perhaps his position in this household was truly no pretext and instead merely the generosity of a higher-ranking nobleman towards one with sad fortune and a need for his younger son to have a place of his own at another’s table.  This made his lord, for such he now was, no less appealing, but it gave his heart far less satisfaction than his former hopes had done.

 

Stifling such thoughts, Kurt finally returned his attentions towards the Steward and the introductions he was making for Kurt’s benefit (and what right did he have to be so inattentive when another, especially of so high a rank in his new household, was putting forth such efforts on his especial behalf?).

 

“… And may I now introduce the lady of the house?”

 

A buxom woman nodded her head slightly and gave a demure smile in Kurt’s direction.  As he waited for her to step forward and embrace Blaine (his thoughts could not, _would not_ , go any further than that), Kurt wondered whether the woman simply did not care about him at all for what little greeting she had given or-

 

“I am the Lady Lane.  Let me be the first to welcome you to my husband’s fine castle and to your new office as my valet de chambre.”

 

She was right in his face and – did she just wink at him?  Kurt was not much used to winking, no less that directed at him by a lady, and though he was little acquainted with ladies of the court, or many at all, courtly or otherwise, he was not certain they were supposed to know what winking was, no matter the intent.  As for intent-

 

“Now as my husband and his men have much more important matters to tend to, I shall do my duty as lady of the house and introduce you to the property that shall be your new home.”

 

So saying, she latched upon Kurt’s arm (where had this woman learnt to be so forward and why were her language and other actions so demure if ‘twas clear her true nature belied them?) and steered him forward towards a back passageway with nary a glance towards, or a word of greeting for, her lord.  Kurt whipped his head around to try to make eye contact with Blaine, puzzled by this most strange of greetings, but he was resolutely ignored except for a small smug smirk that went unnoticed by his lord’s advisors as Blaine passed away into another part of the castle and his lady wife carried Kurt off to he knew not where or what.

 

~~~

 

Taking turn after turn, echoes chased after Kurt as he and his new mistress moved ever further from the hall and, so at least it seemed, from the eyes and ears of anyone who might assist him.  For he was sore afraid, though he knew not why.

 

Coming to a sudden stop, Lane, no, the _lady_ Lane for so her title ran and his well beneath hers, pushed aside a tapestry and pulled Kurt with her into a small chamber that he was not full sure was intended as part of the tour any high-born guest, no less a lowly servant, might receive.

 

Rounding on him, that clarion voice rang out again, hushed and yet perfectly clear, as though silence were of equal weight with clarity of purpose.

 

“Young man, as your new mistress I must ask: did you not direct such longing glances as befit a star-struck swain or his young lady love towards my lord as we stood but a few moments past gathered in the hall to bid thee and him well come to the castle?”

 

He shook his head in what he hoped presented merely as sure denial, though it was in truth the quakings of fear all channelled upwards instead of spread out across his body where it more easily could be seen that her words aimed true, and he was a damnable sinner and a poor excuse for a servant besides.

 

A wry smile, or so he thought to call it, passed over her face and his lady, his all too keen lady, continued with words sure to bring both shame and ruin upon him.

 

“If I thought I saw you gazing upon my husband, I in fact saw no such thing?  It was merely the imaginings of a silly, foolish woman?”

 

Kurt opened his mouth to protest, but she carried on without a pause and let her smile grow wider and more clearly signifying that which he had neither thought nor dreamt of receiving, no less after such words.

 

“My dear, you really must not think that you can catch me unawares, or that I do not know my husband as well as I do.  You are safe here, or as safe as I can make you, but you must learn to school yourself better.  It is fortunate no one else noticed a glance held just a thin moment too long, for that could be enough to bring about the end of all of us.  Come, walk with me and I shall begin to bring you along the path to enlightenment with me.”

 

His mind filled with amazement that he was both caught out and kept safe, Kurt followed along, hoping that this strange woman was as wonderful as he began to suspect she was.

 

~~~

 

Following along as they regained their former course and then passed outward into the open air, Kurt focused on the sway of his lady’s dark hair as her slight form walked, though he almost thought he saw a stifled urge to skip beneath her gait, down a slope and out into what he determined must be a garden, at once both more symmetrical than nature would have it and more wild than man, especially civilized, courtly man, might make it.

 

To his dismay, this did nothing to quell his churning thoughts, but Kurt was relieved to see open sky once more and, he thought, if his mistress turned out not as kind and marvellous as he thought, he might at least have chance to run and gain his horse once more before the men of the house came for him and his impure, unworthy mind and heart.

 

As if sensing his thoughts, the lady Lane turned and extended a hand, smiling patiently until Kurt joined her at her side and then walking on, as perfectly and as courtly a picture as he had imagined seeing and imagined those at court being well pleased by the show of.

 

“Now, do not think we are in perfect safety here, for the leaves and trees and birds shall not tell our secrets, but they are not always alone.”

 

“However, for today I believe we are safe as long as we keep our voices low, our conversation circumspect even as we tread delicate topics, and above all keep our posture perfect.”

 

Here she laughed, quietly but fully, as if she had made a joke and, Kurt supposed, she had.

 

“I apologize for what I said earlier.”

 

She turned up from admiring a plant that trailed upon the ground and a look of such seriousness settled over her face that Kurt could have mistaken her for another.

 

“Or at least for that first salvo that I fired, for though your employ is mine, your consent is your own and you are as deserving of choice and respect as I or my lord am.”

 

Her mouth flicked up briefly as she spoke on, though it then settled into a serious, though not as severe, line across her fair countenance.

 

“Your surprise was most enjoyable, I must admit, and I did need to check that what I sensed was so, for what if I were wrong and our secret exposed?  You may have at least the smallest, barest idea of what harm, nay, what ruin would befall us and those under our employ and protection if it were known that my husband prefers the company of men, and I not only know, but do not find harm in it?”

 

The lady Lane held her gaze steady with his own faltering one and then the severity of face and posture fell like shattering glass and, smiling once more, albeit more mildly than he now knew her capable of, continued on down the garden path, guiding Kurt forward with her eyes.

 

“Such dire talk is not for now, though.  You are new come to our household and our lands and it is only fit that I truly do show you them.”


	2. A Courtly Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's first day at the castle finally comes to a close, but the adventure is just beginning as he learns of new possibilities as well as new dangers and, perhaps most importantly of all, new ways of viewing himself and those feelings which he had not known the name for nor the rightness of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is once again safe as houses, but it is the middle ages with heavy gender and sexuality issues being dealt with and horrible past events being referred to, so although stylistically explicitness just does not fit in, there is matter dealing with homophobia, veiled threats of violence, mention of past acts of violence, including sexual assault against characters not met until The Work of Ages: Truth's Secret Vow. Oh, and of course kissing and stylistically consistent veiled references to other acts of passion and their laundry-based evidence.

Chapter the Second:

A Courtly Grace

 

Following her through winding paths and in between the trees (which he felt were far too numerous and too densely placed to be anything but a man-made forest, and for his lady’s especial, peculiar pleasure, for he could imagine neither practical purpose for it nor his lord cavorting through it as his lady did), Kurt listened as his lady explained the household and the lands, still marvelling at that which had been said and what remained unsaid.

 

Stopping suddenly, her face fell from its joyful countenance and she pointed off into the distance.  Kurt fixed his eyes upon the point and saw what he was sure could only be the castle’s chapel, more well tended and well-used than that which had dwelled upon his father’s own meagre lands.

 

Dropping her hand and continuing on when it seemed he would offer no comment, the lady Lane quickly settled back into her tripping pace, acting more the joyful sprite than the sad spectre that had briefly, or so Kurt’s eyes and heart had told him, appeared.

 

Letting silence take his part in the conversation, Kurt first puzzled at her behaviour and then fell to contemplation of his own, beginning to realize that though he was now known for what he was, at least to this kind and caring woman, he still did not know of what the Church, and thus the Lord, would make of his feelings, no less the actions, as hazy and unknown as those were to him, they might lead to.

 

~~~

 

Such thoughts continued to plague Kurt’s mind as woods turned to lawn once more and his lady glanced about and then, picking up her skirts, dashed up towards the castle, daring him to follow as fast as he might manage.

 

She slipped inside and continued her mad, though markedly quiet, dash through the halls and up a staircase, meeting no one else and leaving only Kurt to witness, and attempt to follow, her flight.

 

Catching his breath, for his lady was most quick of foot, Kurt looked about, taking in a quiet passageway and the less quiet breathing of his mistress, as well as a door set in the wall behind her.

 

“Now, you must not count such actions amongst the behaviour to school yourself in to better pass at court, both here and away, but-“

 

Here she leaned her weight upon the wood of the door-

 

“-You may count such fun, for fun it is, amongst the activities we may share betwixt ourselves when prying eyes are not around.”

 

-And slipped inside, clearly expecting him to follow, and so he did.

 

~~~

 

Blinking at first the sudden drop into darkness and then into light brighter than that which graced the hall outside, Kurt looked about and realized both that he was finally in that place which was to be his own and that his ideas about what a library might entail were incomplete at beast.  He could not help but wonder what use he could be put to when clearly anyone who could call these books her own would have no need of the literate but barely exposed to a book outside of _the_ book that all must know second son of a lesser nobleman.

 

It was not the size of the legendary library at Alexandria that even Kurt had heard tell of, but nonetheless impressive in both size and scope.  Even a university student or professor or a church library might not do half as well, though, looking more closely, Kurt was not sure they would want to possess some of the tomes resting carefully on walls and on tables.  Or would want others to possess them, for that matter.

 

“Find any thing which you might wish to read?”

 

His mistress’ smiling face suddenly appeared next his and Kurt started away from a shelf upon which he had read strange names in what he supposed were tongues from far south of his native England.

 

“It is only fit for the one charged with my library’s caretaking to partake of its bounty himself, for knowledge is a harvest one might reap all one’s life and all the tools it requires are an open and an agile mind.”

 

She stopped before the shelf and tapped upon her lips in thought before turning fast as quicksilver to Kurt once more, her mind having come to whatever decision was placed before her.

 

“For now though, it is only fit we conclude this tour ere we utterly lose both the light and time of day-“

 

Kurt followed as she stepped quickly about the room, snuffing the candles carefully placed so as to light but not endanger her library, as far as such was possible when wood and wax and heat met, and then headed to the door once more.

 

“-And the chance for you to sit at supper with my lord.”

 

~~~

 

Kurt puzzled over his lady’s mercurial nature and the version of her he was beginning to well know in private, in opposition to the one who had first greeted him before the household in the hall, as he followed her light but steady tread through the castle, forgetting for a time the thoughts the vision of the chapel in the distance had brought to plague his mind.

 

A whistle finally broke his concentration and he once more looked up with a start (he was not sure if he should be faulted for inattentiveness or praised for humouring what he was coming to realize was his lady’s sense of playfulness at being able to take him by surprise).  The lady Lane was poised by a passageway and Kurt could feel fresh air blowing down the hall towards him.

 

“I am not sure of you, but ‘less I am with my books or my lord, I can only keep my peace so long shut between great towers of rock.  Our tour is not quite concluded, but I thought I might favour you with a final walking tour of more of my lord’s castle grounds ere the tour is finished, the table served, and our day ended.”

 

Kurt hoped the relief on his face was answer enough, though it was as much at the thought of seeing his lord once more as at a temporary freedom from the closeness of the castle walls and of the whole host of people under its employ and with eyes and ears aplenty for discovering his most secret of secrets, and his lady’s and lord’s as well.

 

~~~

 

His lady never seem so well pleased as when she stepped twixt root and root underneath great soaring trees, brushed pass shrubbery, and, he thought, almost seemed to think of leaping over them at times, more like a fawn than lady, before catching herself and continuing on, stately and yet freer than she allowed herself to be when framed by stone instead of open air.

 

Finally though, Kurt could not help but break her happy silence as she led him with gesture and with eye through wood and field bordering the lawn that ran cross the side of the castle from which they had departed.

 

“I … could not help but notice that you seemed less well pleased to show me that grand chapel placed upon our lord’s property than at any other thing, whether simply laundry or great hall or shining river running through your woods.”

 

She stopped and seemed to falter before turning to face him, a mild smile upon her countenance.

 

“It is beautiful in both construction and adornment and a fit place to worship our Lord.”

 

Her eyes seemed to steel and at once also to remain kind, which kindness Kurt thought for his benefit, not for that of those of whom his lady spoke.

 

“That, however, does not mean it is most welcome on my lands, for mine they are, and even if they were not, my lord should agree with me.  Men have much smaller minds than our Lord does, and some even smaller still.”

 

Thinking it unwise but daring nonetheless, for he could not resist until he had some answer, whether it boded good or ill, Kurt continued on with his questioning.

 

“Then why do you allow it stand, and permit men you so clearly feel neither kinship for nor welcome towards dwell upon your lands and lead your household in His worship?  Would it not be better to send them away and leave you and my lord in peace and privacy, or in more of it than they make possible?  And-”

 

Here he paused, truly afraid to continue now but needing to know at least whether he numbered among the damned.

 

“-What of those such as myself and your lord?  Or even thee, for thy willingness to keep our secrets and assist our safety and, if I am not mistaken, thy personal view that we are not wicked beings fit for either brutality or brute death?  If you at least do not view it as sin, for so it seems your thinking goes, then what of Him who created us?  If those who serve him say it is so, then is not that the Truth, and we should change our erring ways?”

 

His face fell and he could only stare at the unknowing plants that brought the ground to green life beneath his feet as he waited for his lady’s answer and, he thought, his ire for having spoken so and at such length.

 

“He made me as I am, as he did both you and my beloved lord.  Why should I go against His work?  That seems more wrong to me by far than my lord loving men as others do ladies.  If he were unkind in love that would be sinful, but that is true of any love, including that betwixt a woman and a man as we have been taught is the only fit one to feel and to express.”

 

Kurt’s confusion and wary willingness must have been clear, for his lady stooped down so that she might meet his eyes without laying a hand upon him to force his gaze her way.

 

“Do not think it does not bother me to have to dissemble so and lead not only those in distant courts astray but my own household as well, but such small measures add up to a larger whole that keeps and, if the Lord listens to me as I think he does, will continue to keep all of us and our small measure of happiness safe.  What talk and what attention do you think we would merit if there were no chapel and clerics to staff it at this castle?  And what harm do lies do that protect a kindly love and reflect poorly only on myself and mayhap also my lord, and that with his full knowledge and willing consent?”

 

Still ill at ease, Kurt could not respond, though he was at once both soothed and put into further turmoil by all that was laid before him to consider.

 

“Do not trouble yourself so about these matters, and worry not about falling further into sin.  God made you capable of love and that is his greatest and most precious gift.  As for keeping those here who do not view His truth as rightly as we do and for whom there must be a grand show each time they see us, the lies are mine.  Place any guilt you must on me and keep yourself as innocent in your view as you are in mine.”

 

Standing straight and tall once more, the lady Lane offered Kurt an encouraging glance.

 

“Now come.  You have yet to see my book collection.”

 

Wondering if she needed to wink a certain number of times a day or else perish of some terrible rare disease of ill humour, Kurt puzzled over this latest statement, more easy to process than those prior to it but still cause for confusion.

 

“I thought you took me through your private library earlier?”

 

She let out a light laugh and seemed to be brought into a better humour by his words.

 

“And what have I taught you, even in such a short time as we have yet spent together, of the roles we must perform?  That library is private but that does not mean it is safe from outside eyes and while it would still not be deemed … fit for a lady, or for anyone at all for that matter, to lay eyes on many of those books, I have ones that should incur … especially strong consternation.  I think you shall enjoy them.”

 

Even though he did not desire women as he did Blaine, Kurt found the Lady Lane’s wicked grin impossible to resist and stumbled in his haste to follow her as she gathered up her skirts and rushed off, looking much more like one of the fairies or imps in the stories he was told when young than the demure, chaste, _proper_ woman that society wanted her to be.  He decided the confusion and the charades might all be worth it just for moments like this, chasing fairies (he decided she was too beautiful and too kind, even with her love of mischief, to be an imp) and with the promise of an evening with a prince, even if this life was far more dangerous and precarious than any fairy story.

 

~~~

 

Mulling over his very brief glimpse of his lady’s most private library, which he had been promised a more leisured tour of in the fullness of time and when their lord was not waiting or Kurt in danger of fainting from both hunger and embarrassment, for he had guessed well enough that many a slim volume dealt with love, both its attainment and maintenance, Kurt found a place at the table closest to that at which his lord and lady dined.  Still lost in thought, he watched as scrap after scrap, though they were more cuts fit for a noble than for a servant’s starving supper, no less for the feeding of ones not belonging to the human race, disappeared from the table and into the waiting mouths of his lady’s hounds.  Though he had far larger matters to ponder and wonder at, Kurt could not help but marvel at yet another, smaller one of that unique woman’s apparent values.  Turning back to the spread at his own table, since even the Lady’s valet de chambre did not have a place at the high table, at least with such company as was assembled for the Lord’s homecoming, he was started out of his reverie by two low whines and an increasingly familiar voice raised to carry ‘cross the room.

 

“Now, Kurt, since I do not possess a collection sufficient to occupy all thy time and my lord’s needs always come before my own, I shall leave you at his disposal whenever I do not have express need of you.  Your companionship is of course desirable, especially as few have the time or inclination to humour a lady’s love of language, but I realize that you would feel deprived if you were not also able to enjoy the company of men.  Now, enjoy your supper and I shall leave it to our lord to decide your duties for the evening.”

 

So saying, the lady went back to slipping much of her meal to the pair of mannerly (for they were mannerly – Kurt could forgive their slight impatient noises for how clearly kind their mistress was and for his own feelings of impatience at being kept away from their mistress’ husband) hounds set between herself and her lord, the smallest of pleased smiles on her face and a spark in her eye that had ought to do with current company and conversation.  Or perhaps, Kurt thought, it did, if he understood that lady’s language well enough and the bemused grin that he swore overtook Blaine’s face as his lord and lover, for so he now thought they _would_ be, turned to favour each dog with his attention seemed to confirm that.


	3. The Light Work of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which elation is turned to doubt, and clandestine meetings in the woods and the work of bees are discussed.

Chapter the Third:

The Light Work of Love

 

Kurt wondered if mortification might kill him more surely than any ill humour or strange malady, or if perhaps love paired with inexperience were itself a malady and one that must surely slay him.  It had taken all of a moment the night before for him to become so o’erwhelmed by his lord’s presence, with no other eyes about than those of one of his lady’s hounds, that he had fainted dead away.  Twice.

 

Now he sat breaking his fast and avoiding his lord’s gaze or catching sight of him at all as steadfastly as a priest might avoid the sight and the company of women.  How could his lord wish for his company, no less his love, if his amours could go no further than remaining in full control of his faculties whilst they were in the same room with only one another to witness such glances and such exchanges as they might make?  He had finally recovered and not fainted away again, but all the rest of their time, their precious rare time, was whiled away in simple talk and in a recounting of Kurt’s long, strange day with his lord’s lady wife.

 

His lady.  How could he forget her for even a moment?  What use could Blaine have for him compared to her, or what use could she find in such a companion for herself or a caretaker for her library as him?  He felt as useful and as wise as a worm compared to her mind that made quicksilver seem slow and, he thought bitterly as he dared to look to the side in order to reach for a bit of butter, as appealing as one in comparison to, he imagined, any host of men older, wiser, and more experienced than himself.  Surely somehow Blaine might find one of them and have a better lover, and a better companion for his lady wife, than he had taken on by bringing Kurt with him to his lands and to a life that, in the cold light of a new day, he felt he neither merited nor deserved.

 

~~~

 

Such thoughts still haunted him later as he sat sorting through his lady’s stacks while she tended to other, more mundane (or more important?) duties.  She was not there to help him, either with his troubled mind or with placing kind with kind when he knew not what many of the kinds were.  Finally giving up, for he as of yet did not know his Greek philosophers from his Italian (or Roman?  Which might or must he call them?  And did not that prove his point further that he had no place in a life where he did not know where even to place the books?) poets, Kurt placed every thing to rights, for he would not add injury to her library to the insult of his incompetence, and quitted the private chamber for the emptiness of the castle’s halls.

 

Moving ever on, for he had aught else to do but wait for his lady’s return (he was full sure his lord would see no use in calling upon him for even the least of tasks after the events of the night before), Kurt finally passed one of the windows artfully placed into the stones of the castle wall and came to rest there with his arms upon the ledge.  Idly watching the birds upon the lawn, since he thought attempting to still his thoughts might succeed where trying to sort through them had failed, Kurt returned to the waking world with a start as he saw Blaine and Lane slipping surreptitiously away from the castle like new lovers and watched, with mounting interest and anxiety, as they wandered and, so it seemed to him, argued their way through the forest bordering the castle lawn.  In his mind, this perceived instance of anger and discord betwixt the two could bode naught but ill and for him specifically and, thus, he was at best mistaken about, and at worst in grave danger from, his lord and lady both.

 

~~~

 

Greek philosophers were furthest from his mind as Kurt sat once more in his lady’s library, making a sad show of listening to her kindly explanations of who was who and whom they might have lessons on another day.

 

“Either you are more troubled by Plato’s philosophy than I am, or there is some matter which sets your mind ill at ease and has aught to do with the long-dead men of Greece.”

 

Kurt felt as though he would be pulling away bloodied linen only to reveal an even more gruesome and likely fatal wound underneath, but after a moment that seemed suspended in time, he finally dared to admit what troubled him so.  Or at least told of it after a fashion, for he feared what a full voicing of his thoughts might do, even if his lady was most sweet and mild, or so she had seemed at least the day before.

 

“If I am the cause of discord betwixt yourself and my lord, were it not better that I return homewards or make my way elsewhere where you should not be troubled by me, nor I by you?”

 

A light laugh broke the quiet of the room as his mistress directed her full attention towards him.

 

“What trouble could company for myself and for my lord, though of differing natures, be?  And though you have been here not even two full days, when has ever a cross word passed betwixt my lord and myself that you have e’er seen?”

 

Here guilt led Kurt to avert his gaze, for e’en if he was in danger most severe, it was still wrong of him to have espied that which was clearly meant for the eyes of his lord and lady alone.

 

“As I passed by the window looking out over the lawn, I … saw you arguing with my lord in the woods, away from the prying eyes of the household and away from mine as well.”

 

Anger did not light her face at this admittance and he thought he saw, _might_ have seen, the faintest traces of fond amusement cross it instead-

 

“If arguing it was, and I shant deny one _might_ call it that, it was only my efforts to cheer and encourage my lord that you saw, not any true disagreement nor cause for concern-”

 

-And fondness it definitely was, for the gaze she levelled at him was far from cruel though her mouth was set in an even line.

 

“-Least not if you both shall remember and remember well that it is no crime, nor an unkindness to me or a sign of an unbecoming selfishness, to desire loving companionship of a kind that even the rare and precious type of friendship that my lord and I share is unable to provide.”

 

Here she smiled at him and Kurt wanted to believe in the calm reassurance that her smile offered and her words reinforced, but his mind would not let him go from his fears so easily.

 

“How can you truly know that he feels as you say he does and that the truth you say he told you is such?”

 

He might admit his lady was not false, for even in his panic he had well wished she were not other than she had at first seemed, but what if only one of the two were true in word and thought?  That could be greater danger still than if his lord and his lady both were set against him.

 

“The only heart I know better than my own is his.”

 

This seemed to settle the matter in his lady’s mind, but Kurt’s own was not yet fully on the path to acceptance of a truth other than that which he had imagined (or realized?  He was not yet sure what was true and what false) in his lonely worryings.

 

“But-“

 

Her eyes seemed to go flat as he had not seen them do, even when she was before a crowd of many and could not freely be herself, and worry settled back into the place it had a moment earlier given thought to leaving.

 

“Precisely what strategic advantage might it give me or my lord to bring on a lesser nobleman’s son from a few days’ hard ride away and so deceive him as to learn the nature of his love and to make him think it were returned in kind by my lord?”

 

Kurt felt all the air drain from the room as he thought of what danger he had walked into.  No, that he had invited to him by daring to ask in the first place.  He was as of nothing, mattered nothing, and might simply vanish or be otherwise disposed of without much trouble, for who would care what happened to one of such low station as himself?

 

“It brings no benefit in terms of political manoeuvring or even pure blackmail to enhance our riches, and what might we gain by setting the Church upon you except your personal suffering?”

 

Everything that he had so feared must surely be right and now he had brought it down upon his head all at once, as if a fearsome gargoyle had toppled from its watch post upon a building.  From upon a _church_ , he amended, for such would particularly fit his sorry, sinful case.

 

“As we are neither so vindictive nor so grasping, and as we do truly care for you, what cause for worry do you then have?”

 

Never had Kurt been at once so relieved and so confused, for his first day at the castle had now been surpassed by, in his eyes, unexpected confirmation of the truth of what he had learnt that day and come first to accept as truth and then to question with untold and apparently unfounded suspicion and, yes, paranoia.

 

“If anything, it is we who should be concerned over you, for you know far more about us than any other does and may bring utter ruin down upon us if you so choose.”

 

A sinking guilt began to overtake him, for the doubts that he had harboured and allowed to momentarily consume him more belonged to those he had held in fear and suspicion, even if only for brief, unthinking moments.  What had it taken for them to entrust their secret with him?  And what manner of repayment were spying and speculation?

 

“It is very good then that we have all of us been truthful and deserving of trust then, is it not?”

 

This finally brought Kurt back out of his own head to notice the sweet, always so sweet, smile aimed in his direction.

 

“Now, come.  I think it might be best if you helped me find where cook hid the honeycomb.  I find Greek philosophy much more understandable with something sweet in me.”

 

Kurt matters must be serious if she had touched him without asking first, for, excepting that first time in the hall, she always asked with word or glance or simply the patience of time and the skill of observation, and she now wrapped an arm around him and guided him towards the door.

 

“-And I think that if I may trust you with such a secret as I have done, then I might trust you with a bit of my bees’ work as well.”

 

Although, he thought, perhaps skill did explain it, for he felt her warm embrace and seemingly non sequitur offer more comforting than any of her more direct reassurances, even if he did question why, if she knew their lady loved it so, the cook hid the honeycomb from her.


	4. An Education

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which progress is made and lessons are learned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R? overall. This chapter is sexy (finally!) but safe as houses, although it is also heavy on discussion of gender, sexuality, consent, etc. All the good stuff and hopefully handled very well and in a non-soap-box-y manner. Warnings for aforementioned kissing and veiled references to both penetrative and oral sex. Plus embarrassing Kurt, but that's as given. Wouldn't be a coming of age tale otherwise. ;)

Chapter the Fourth:

An Education

 

Kurt quickly realized that his mistress had a fondness for sweets that near rivalled in notoriety her love of letters and languages and, less quickly so, for works of love and trust are more slowly built than those of sheer knowledge alone, that his fears were well unfounded.

 

After he did not of a sudden drop stone dead that fateful day, for he had once more returned to panic and thought his lady might be out to poison and so silence him, Kurt began to trust that, at the least, they meant him no ill and, perhaps, slowly, slightly, that they meant him in particular, for they treated all in their employ with kindness, from hunting hounds to heads of staff, well and even cared for him as they, or, rather, his lady speaking on both their behalves, had claimed that day when first he rode in and his mind and soul had been sent spinning.

 

It was as of a fresh spring breeze blowing in, though summer moved ever on to fall, to deal solely with the pressures of his position as valet de chambre for the lady Lane’s, for it was well known the idea was hers, library.  Or almost solely, for he spent as much of and as many of his days, and his nights as well, for castle duties did not call so strongly then, in the company of his lord and lady both.  That did not in truth amount to a great number either of hours or of days, for the work of a noble was not one of ease and idleness ‘less that noble were wicked and slothful.  Yet still, to Kurt the hours seemed many and not yet any at all when he would report to his lady’s chambers of nights or grace his lord’s in the light of day whene’er the rare times he was there so blessed them both.

 

Kurt learned quite early on in this less pressured, though no less dangerous, arrangement that it was neither wise nor feasible to visit his lord in his chamber of nights (had he truly been so foolish as to think otherwise, what now seemed a lifetime ago and away when he had first rode up to the castle grounds?).  While still true of visiting his lady in hers, it was more advisable in the talk it might cause than were he caught out as an o’er-frequent guest of his lord during the hours when that noble personage must needs be, so thought and talk went, either asleep or pursuing the creation of an heir to his lands and title.

 

The irony, but also the strength, was that, as of yet, all they did behind closed doors and in secret _was_ talk, and near all of matters which had aught to do with romance or with the amatory arts.  Less brief mentions that _could_ be used to bring them down to utter and tragic ruin, no thing said was licentious or in any way beyond the pale – except that it was ‘changed betwixt those of varying status and gender and that, perhaps, no one in that room agreed in full with what either lay or holy authorities deemed the truth and, thus, the law.

 

~~~

 

So it was that Kurt learnt not by direct attempt nor force of will, either his own or any others, to be comfortable as once he was not in the presence of his lord, first and most often with the calm, centring presence of his mistress and then some rare, precious times alone, when that great lady was so able to arrange matters that they might have a few hours betwixt themselves with no one else, not even her, present to witness what might occur in either word or deed, or simply in growing sentiments that were well received and returned.

 

~~~

 

Such worthy progress was not, however, the first matter on Kurt’s mind as he sat staring once more at the philosophers of Greece, more understanding of their words and opinions than he once was and yet still confused over matters much closer to hand than the state of souls after death or the meaning and purpose of life.  Or, at least, meaning beyond that which people build betwixt themselves day by day in small moments.  That he had much need of understanding, and yet whether from the most popular Aristotle or from his now o’erlooked compatriots, Kurt could obtain neither solutions nor solace.

 

Taking leave of them before he did his lady’s libr’ry most grievous damage, Kurt left the long-dead men to their opinions and went in search of the living lady with many of her own to share, and ones of far greater use to a young man in love.

 

~~~

 

Marshalling his courage, Kurt made his way to his lady’s door and rapt softly upon it once, hoping not to catch the attention of the household or perhaps even of the lady herself, for his nerves were quick becoming frail at the thought of what he had come to ask and of what he might do after were his questions answered-

 

And luck was not on his side, if ever it had been, for the door opened to reveal his lady’s smiling countenance in what seemed mere moments, and then he found himself on the other side and his lady settled onto a low couch watching him with patient but curious eyes.

 

Kurt directed his own eyes towards a corner of the antechamber and focused on a speck of dust (he well knew a castle kept truly clean to be an impossibility, but he increasingly imagined that the universe ordered itself around his lady simply because she was herself) as he took in a deep breath and-

 

“What must I do in order to please my lord?”

 

He felt a flaming blush paint his face as brightly as any of his lady’s bejewelled tomes and hoped that the be-damned speck of dust was the only one to notice.

 

“I do hope you mean how might you assist him at horse or with any other of a thousand mundane duties which a lord must carry out from day to day-”

 

He would not look up, he would _not_ , but-

 

“Or else I fear we shall be in need of rather a private talk, since my dear dove must be suffering from a most grievous level of confusion or, as those in far-off India might say, a state of un-enlightenment.”

 

Still refusing to look up and meet her smirking, for he was full sure she was smirking, gaze, he attempted again to make clear without specifics that which he wished and yet feared, for his lack of knowledge and experience, to know.

 

“I meant, how might I best take my lady’s place in bed?”

 

Kurt felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and finally, _finally_ , looked up to see that noble woman smiling down at him.  There was an ever so slight something off though, just around her eyes, and dismay began to beset Kurt as his mind raced for an explanation.  Of course!  He had insulted and upset her with talk of taking her place in-

 

“You really think far too much, at least about that which does not merit such a level of attention and anxiety.  Now, come.  I feel we are in need of a serious talk, for your words give me cause for concern, though not for the reasons I might guess you think.”

 

At once both mystified and relieved, since that troublesome aspect had instantly faded from her gaze and been replaced by an equally troubling, though more welcome, spark (what _would_ she be like if society were different?), Kurt followed, or rather allowed himself to be moved forth by, his headstrong mistress into her inner chamber and prepared himself for – he knew not what, though knowing his lady as he did, he feared his blush would not be allowed to retire ‘neath his skin once more, nor to remain there if it did depart.

 

~~~

 

“Now, Kurt, what makes you think that you are taking my place in bed?”

 

He began to open his mouth to speak, but she jumped in again as was her wont when she had a point to make and could not spare the time for Kurt’s fumbling (though he sometimes thought she did this more to spare _him_ from his own stumbling attempts at speech, and as this was a matter of far greater concern to him, at least of the moment, than dead philosophers or property laws, he did not mind it).

 

“For one thing, unless you are far less intelligent than I thought, you should have noticed by now that my lord and I have separate chambers and thus separate beds.  How could you take my place in my own bed or in a bed whose space is merely lent to me?”

 

Kurt could not help a laugh at her wicked grin and clever wit, but also was not ready to concede the point, if he even understood it rightly to begin with.

 

“But if I am to perform for him the duties you do not, am I not taking your place in bed and should I not be informed of what is expected of me in order to bring our lord pleasure?”

 

She could not help a laugh in turn, though Kurt was sure she was also less than pleased with what he had said – and just as sure she was about to enlighten him as to why.

 

“As far as I was informed, you were hired on as my valet de chambre to curate my library, not to serve as a courtesan or some manner of paid spousal substitute, so do not speak of what should be an act, or, rather, a continuing series of acts, of free choice, and come forth from mutual love and care, with language more fit to describe the tasks I assign to the cooks or to the hands who muck out the stables.”

 

A delicate eyebrow rose ever so slightly and Kurt wished again that he might hide himself away even while still speaking with her most clever and clear of minds.

 

“And do not impersonate a fish either.  ‘Tis not flattering, even if you are most attractive and your mouth is an asset that can be put to good use.”

 

Here she smirked and Kurt felt himself begin to blush anew even though he knew his lady’s feelings for him were platonic and he himself desired no woman as he did man, even one so fine as his mistress.

 

“Now, to continue the answer to your question, since I am sure it has not yet been answered to your satisfaction, only to your stupefaction, you are no substitute for me and neither am I for you.  Nor is there any one, nor one specific, role you must play, especially not when it comes to matters involving love and the arts of love.”

 

The smirk faded into a steady smile but one question more had he before Kurt might consider himself able to return her confident, assured gaze with one of his own, or at least a lesser form of it.

 

“But must I act the role of the man or the woman?”

 

Her lip quirked upward as if she might smirk once more and then settled into an amused, fond gaze.

 

“You must act the role of you, my sweet silly dove.”

 

~~~

 

“Now, knowing that the choices are yours, is there any new question you might wish to ask?”

 

“Or have you had well enough of my companionship and wealth of words?  For however useful they may be, even I can only abide by so many of them.”

 

A wink and Kurt felt at least a hair’s breadth less overcome, though freedom from his lady’s welcome but sometimes o’erwhelming presence warred with freedom to choose and to act, if he had only a bit of knowledge, in his mind, and if such was his desire then he must needs stay and ask, for holy scripture and haughty philosophers alike were of little use to guide him in such ventures as he wished to undertake.

 

“I-“

 

He swallowed down his fear and thought for a long moment about what precisely he _did_ wish to ask, for every thing felt too much to comprehend and yet he also desired to know and to do and to _act_ , and what his lady had said had at once both o’erwhelmed him and fuelled those desires.

 

“-Wish to have _some_ knowledge of the amatory arts, for I fear coming upon my elder brother with the daughter of a visiting lord was not most illuminating.”

 

And he blushed once more at the remembrance; both at what he had so briefly scene and because-

 

“You turned about and hid like a startled rabbit, did you not?”

 

Her smile was sweet and playful and Kurt was not sure whether to be more embarrassed to answer or at his sure knowledge that she well knew already what he would say.  He only wondered if all were as open books to his lady’s agile mind, or only him in his naivety and openness, which he knew he still must school himself better against so that he might survive at court and not bring ruin upon himself or those he found himself caring for as of family or the deepest of friends, though he was not sure either word well sufficed for what he had and might have with them.

 

“None the less, and I mean no insult to thy brother, but the acts of youths in the stables are truly not fit first lessons, or any lessons at all, so it is as well that you spared yourself such an education and your brother such discomfort.”

 

Kurt almost laughed at the thought, for his brother was well hearted if uncouth and might have gone out looking for a duel so as to escape death by embarrassment by actual death if he had known he had been seen.

 

“Now, since men could write whole books, and have, in fact, on the amatory arts, though our native authors are oft out peered by foreigners and there is a sad lack of women’s words, I think your question is rather too large of one for today, or any but a very long series of days.”

 

Despite the fear mixed in with his curiosity, Kurt felt his face fall at the thought of having no knowledge with which to act at once, for the impetuousness of youth and of new love won out over cautiousness-

 

“I think I can at least teach you how to kiss, for that is a most excellent starting point, or one of them at least, and might be done without o’erstepping my bounds and your comfort-”

 

-Though it was perhaps a closer tie betwixt desire and caution than he thought.

 

“Or at least o’erstepping it too greatly, ‘less you wish me to demonstrate upon one of my hounds in thy stead?”

 

Kurt felt as though he would be brought all to cinders with how oft he was blushing but he supposed it was his lady’s own peculiar way of setting him at ease.

 

“Let me know at once if e’er you wish me to stop the lesson and I shall.”

 

She waited for a sign of assent from him before, to Kurt’s surprise, for he thought she would immediately close the space betwixt them and place a kiss upon his lips, walking ever so slowly round him, gently winding closer so that he could feel the faintest whisper of air from her skirts but have not a single hair nor a thread of her clothing touch his skin.

 

He could look away or step back at any time and yet Kurt felt he could not help but watch the pale intensity of her eyes and her careful steps as his mistress finally drew close enough to lightly trail her breath across his skin though she was yet still too far off for what he had thought close contact of the kind for kissing entailed.

 

“Have I made any impression upon you, or do you wish to end the lesson and perhaps try my libr’ry or my lord as better teachers?”

 

Kurt merely blinked, and after a moment, seemingly so that she might judge whether his lack of action were a continued sign of consent or no, the lady Lane laid one fingernail lightly upon his cheek and drew it slowly up across his cheekbone and then turned it to trace lightly down the full length of his jaw before tapping him lightly upon the chin with the pad of her finger and breaking suddenly back into her familiar, sprite-like smile.

 

“Still nothing?  Or perhaps too much and yet not enough at once?”

 

Finally, _finally_ , Kurt gathered his wits about him enough to nod his assent, for her words were, as always and ever, perfect in their precision and truthfulness, and had her actions not so stilled his senses, he would have wondered at how she had learned such accuracy in describing what he now felt.

 

“That is as it should be, leastways if you wish to do more than simply make as the inhabitants of stables, or those who borrow them for oddly similarly purposes, do.”

 

“Now, are you comfortable with my continuing?  I will stop whene’er you wish it and you have already learned much, for there is far more to touch and in varying ways and at different paces than one small fraction even of the skin upon one’s face-”

 

Here she almost but did not quite touch Kurt’s face once more and the result was no less thrilling, though not the barest hint of their flesh had touched and she was not his lord.

 

“-And lessons are of no good if one does not expand upon and experiment with them, especially when one does some thing far different from the rote learning of dead and dull facts.”

 

Greek philosophers were of little use in comparison to his lady, he thought, as she took his lack of movement for consent, for such it was, and carefully moved in to lightly press kisses ‘cross his collarbone through his tunic, looking up occasionally with darkly framed eyes.  Kurt felt his heart set stirring ‘spite his preference for the company of men and for his lord in particular, and such strange, though not unwelcome, feeling only increased as his lady reached the opposite side and drew up to plant a yet lighter, though oh so present, kiss upon his lips.

 

His lady paused for a long moment, looking at him as though she were measuring the value of his soul through his eyes alone, and then her lips were upon his once more and any thought of Greeks, or any great thought at all, was gone from his head.

 

She tasted like apples and honey, Kurt thought, as his lady’s tongue gently counted out each tooth from right to left ‘cross the front of his face before retreating lightly across his lips and back behind her own.

 

It was not his lord becoming one with him, for he _had_ begun to understand his lady’s point about the merits of kisses as a means of union, but Kurt felt delighted nonetheless, and privileged as well to share such an unguarded, intimate moment with one at once so private and so passionate as his mistress.

 

“Kissing is but one of the arts of love and there are many layers to it, but-“

 

Her voice was right next to his ear and her breath ghosted across his skin, sending shivers down his spine.

 

“Have I given you ideas enough for how you and my lord might pleasure yourselves this night?”

 

So saying, his lady gave one last addition to the lesson, a gentle, ever so gentle, nip to the tip of his ear, and brought her head around to smile softly at him.

 

“But this does not count!”

 

Amusement and the slightest hint of consternation crossed her face as his mistress placed a hand on each shoulder and levelled her gaze at him.

 

“Anything that brings pleasure counts and anything that society says counts but that one does not desire nor find pleasure in nor cause for consent, and such choice to permit or to deny should _always_ be offered, does not then count at all.”

 

Kurt hung his head, for his lady was most gracious and what she told him of was marvellous, if powerful strange for someone with as little and as traditional knowledge of the arts of love (and he began to doubt if what he was familiar with could even have been said to count as either art or love), and he could only wonder at what his lady’s own desires and feelings were and what had led her to enter full willingly, or at least to accept once she realized the truth of it, into a marriage where she had aught of romance or amours of her own.  Although, perhaps that was what his lady meant with her words, for perhaps not desiring amours were in itself as valid and possible a choice as any other.  The words and the lesson were meant for him, but Kurt could not help, if but for a moment, to wonder what danger and what experiences had she undergone thus far to-

 

And he realized he had been quiet far too long, or at least it felt so, for he could feel his lady’s kindly eyes upon him and her equally gentle voice continued on with a lesson that he was well sure she had learnt herself and not so easily and quickly.

 

“Kurt, remember that you need not do anything that you do not desire or are not yet ready for-”

 

He lifted up his head and blinked back the tears that had been threatening to form (why was someone who his crying so distressed so apt to cause it, and through no fault of her own?) and smiled at her, one of the two most gracious and kind people he knew and was ever thankful for.

 

“-And the, ah, _advanced_ levels of kissing can be a lesson left for another day.  Try this for now and mayhap my lord shall continue thy teachings in that art for me, for some of it is best left to one with his particular attributes.”

 

Here she winked at him and, leaving a last, chaste kiss upon his cheek, led Kurt back out to her antechamber and then handed him one of her devotional books, for those, at least the ones dealing with the accepted church, were safe to remove from the library and made, as he well knew, for most excellent reasons to be on an errand to or from his lord’s and lady’s private chambers.

 

“Take this to our lord and tell him that I have sent thee to do as he wishes for the remainder of this evening-”

 

Gently guided forward, Kurt took the book in hand and let his lady’s final words fall upon his ears as he stepped out into the empty, though thankfully so, for he wished no witnesses to his excitement, passageway.

 

“-And forget not our lessons, especially those most important maxims of consent and choice.”


End file.
